A genuine apology is a respectful and restorative thing. It will set you free, but you have to mean it.
I have only ever refused to accept one apology in my life
That was because it was half-hearted, vague and insincere. It did not address any of the hurt or unhappiness caused.
It wasn’t genuine, it was merely a small step up from the standard “oh come on, don’t be like that” more usually used to dismiss my feelings & get things quickly back to the status quo.
Beware of those, they are as amorphous and intangible as smoke.
So this one refusal was somewhat of a turning point for me and my reply to it was simply: “for what? There is SO much”
This song is about that, a refusal to accept a hollow, meaningless apology that will not amount to any change…
Host
Sorry, is the key to a door
That you will come through
And hurt me some more
All my good deeds are dust on your desk
Shiny stone medals
To hang in your chest
So maybe if I meant a thing at all
You’d let me know
But you didn’t know me
I’m just a host
A host for your dreams
All that you hate
All that you wish for
All that you ain’t
Sorry, is the key to a door
That you would come through
And hurt me some more
There comes a point when reconciliation is no longer an option, talking is just wasted air, understanding isn’t out there. You aren’t cared for, you are merely a survival mechanism for a distant, damaged person, who doesn’t know you, who doesn’t want to know you. They just need you and they hate you because they need you.
Josienne Clarke 